I got married at the age of 22, before all my friends and acquaintances. And now, I am married for the ninth year, and my friends, although sluggish, are gradually getting married. The process of choosing a wife from the outside looks very funny. Of course, I make the most serious appearance of everyone I can and, nodding wisely, try to support them in every possible way and push them to take a responsible step.
Today, after talking to my cousin, I realized that for him there is a rather interesting barrier on the way to marriage. A barrier in the conceptual framework. That is, some concepts are missing, which means they are not considered, and therefore they are not taken into account when choosing. And that's not just his problem.
So I decided to make a list of concepts that everyone faces in the professional-consumer sphere, find analogs from the sphere of feelings-relationships, and set at least some priorities for choice.
There are product groups that we don't know anything about. Someone is poorly versed in yogurt, someone in wine, someone in building materials. For a man, a woman is such a "commodity".
And what do we look at when we don't know exactly what to choose? That's right, look at the packaging first. And, by the way, substandard women and manufacturers often deceive the "buyer" with gift and even exclusive packaging. Of course, the man himself is to blame if he did not look at the composition, the manufacturer... but these are the following points.
I would like to say only the obvious about the packaging — we do not use it. Yes, in times of scarcity, the mayonnaise jar was also important as a container for everything. But still, mayonnaise was bought in most cases for the sake of mayonnaise, and not for the sake of cans (although I remember buying chewing gum for the sake of inserts). Therefore, although the packaging seems to signal some things, it is still third-rate. What do we look at in the "package" (appearance, clothing, makeup, behavior...)?
Just as the label of a good wine does not contain more than three time-tested colors, so the good wife does not dress excessively colorful, hung with trinkets and rags. Calm tones, a little gold and maybe a little vintage style — a good signal.
Damaged packaging affects the safety of the product. If the body doesn't fit in the clothes, or she doesn't wear a bra, or the clothes are of an unknown gender, this is a Wake-up call. At the very least, the product might not have been saved.
A damaged "Product" sometimes hangs in the Windows of social networks. You can see the swelling of the lips with a bow, cheeks, and other parts of the body that clearly protrude in the "selfie".
On some products, there are sometimes labels and tags. So, if she has a small dog (the size of a cat) - run.
Of course, there are many things that are alarming in the packaging, for example, the abundance of gray-pink tracksuits in a public place, and so on, but again, we are not dealing with the packaging, but with the content, and sometimes there is no direct relationship. But in 98% of cases, there is a correlation. And is it worth the risk of thinking you're in the 2%? No, it's still a wife.
That's what's important. And the country, and a specific factory, and a specific worker at the machine. If I were you, I wouldn't talk much to my future wife at all, I would look more closely at her parents.
They say that a daughter grows into a mother, becomes her. So it is, but I noticed some development of the issue. In fact, the mother-in-law was formed by the father-in-law. For example, if it did not take place in life, she goes around with an eternally dissatisfied face, whining and envious. And hating her husband, from which she takes revenge on him and longs to rule him like those who already rule him. And in the daughter, it is postponed.
Taking the daughter of such a mother, you must be sure that you will earn a lot. For both my daughter and my mother. And since, according to statistics, less than 10% of men earn a lot, then, most likely, you will earn little. And they'll eat you up, for example.
So, your future wife's mom is one or the other because her husband was one or the other person for a long time. And it should, in addition to a careful study of mother-to understand how close is he your future son-in-law, you. If so, that's a good sign.
The country of origin, or culture, is also very important. Marriage between an Uzbek woman who grew up in Uzbekistan and a Swedish man who grew up in Sweden is impossible. Not because they are unlikely to meet or the Constitution does not allow it, but because it will be impossible for them to live together. The difference between cultures is too great and in the daily routine this will result in an endless series of everyday conflicts: how many times to wash your hands, before or after, whether to wash your clothes every day, whether to wash vegetables before cooking, and so on and so forth.
The same goes for the level of families that raised you and her. The poor have their own habits of life, the middle class has its own, and the upper class has its own. The intelligentsia has its own, and the ordinary workers have their own. They are incompatible. Choose your level, do not jump above your head.
3. The expiration date.
Now more and more of the "Product" is stale. Institute, you know, work... Such a wife has more depreciation, worse with the bearing of children and little things else. But, my friend, it's not because she's suddenly thirty or thirty-five. That's because you've been thinking and waiting for a long time. So don't look at those who are ten years younger — do you need a wife or an incubator?
After all, we have a subject with complex content, which, as I wrote, is much more important than packaging, because packaging is there today, but I woke up tomorrow morning, and it's not there!
When I say soft, it's not even an iPhone, because you can't disable reminders, banners, sound alerts, notifications, and whatnot. And there is no remote control for it. In secret, she's just as human as you are, only more complicated.
And here are three things that should definitely be in a good wife when we talk about content, software, firmware, intelligence, brain and other synonyms:
Respect. If she doesn't think you're good enough for her, then so be it. Put out of your mind all that movie nonsense about how that guy got that girl. She either respects you initially, or she doesn't. As for the marriage itself, respect requires prolongation. Prolongation is carried out not so much by cash flows, but by love, care and loyalty.
The ability to keep your opinion to yourself. This means, first of all, that she still has her own opinion. Secondly, that she knows how to Express it. But in some cases, she keeps it to herself. And it's a difficult skill, and to qualify for it, you'd do well to learn it yourself.
By the way, the second important aspect of this skill is the ability to keep family Affairs in the family. This means that your decisions are not discussed anywhere else and with no one but your family.
Temperament. Just like yours, no more, no less. So that both have enough and nothing is left to outsource.
The most important thing is that she has an Idea in common with you. An Idea that contains not a goal, like going on a trip around the world, but a scale of values that would measure you and her equally. Your words, actions, desires and her words, actions and desires.
When a mother-in-law embodies such an idea, it's hell. Your father? Also hell. You? Nothing better. These should be objective values, not a person. Ultimately, it is your God or God. It's the same for both of them.